Top Speed
by SuperKamiGuuru
Summary: Seamus Finnigan, Harry Potter, and Neville Longbottom present... Top Speed. Brand new program, brand new things, brand new concept! See new brooms going fast, listen to The News, and hear ridiculous things about the Wiz! This is a one-shot... for now. Look inside for details on how to get more. Read and Review!


Top speed

**I own nothing. This is a kind of experiment for me to see if I can do a new type of story. Please enjoy! The story is in present tense, let me know if that was a bad choice.**

**INFORMATION: This series is set in current time, though the Harry Potter story still occurs in the 1990s. A Galleon (symbol is a bold G) is set at a 1:5 ratio with British Pounds Sterling. For Americans, 1£ is about $1.55.**

The view is of a large warehouse that has a massive logo of a broom in front of a pair of crossed wands. The strains of the song Jessica plays loudly. The camera zooms in quickly as the doors of the warehouse open, the scenery blurring as it zooms in on a tall man with jet black hair and piercing green eyes.

"Welcome to the premier episode of Top Speed! My name is Harry Potter and I'm your host." A short, sandy-haired man steps up beside Harry.

"And I'm Seamus Finnigan, also one of your hosts." Another man steps up on the opposite side of Harry, this one stockier than the black-haired man but significantly taller than Seamus.

"And I am Neville Longbottom. This show is one of the first all-Wizarding television programs and the first program to ever test out and evaluate the latest and greatest in Wizarding transportation."

The camera zooms out to show the interior of the warehouse, littered with brooms and carpets surrounding a clear area where the men are standing on a raised stage. Harry gestures towards a screen above the trio.

"This is a video of our specially designed test track. That is where we'll be testing the capabilities of all of the transports." The camera zooms in on Seamus' face.

"And for our very first vehicle, we are going to be looking at the newest invention from the foremost companies in broom designs, the Nimbus Racing Broom Company. Up until around 8 or 9 years ago, just before the war with Voldemort, there were very few broom companies and they were only making one type of broom each and they were only made for Quidditch. After the war, many of the fresh graduates of Hogwarts started working at the various companies and began to make new innovative designs that appealed to more than just players. The one that we decided to test out is called SCR."

Seamus motions the camera to zoom out as he walks across the floor towards a broom suspended in midair. "Nimbus' new broom is an improvement upon their old Firebolt design. As you can see, the shaft is longer and thinner. The bristles are longer and sleeker, specially designed to cut through the air with the greatest of ease." Harry walks over to Seamus and spreads out his arms to take in the sight of the broom.

"I have to say, this is absolutely magnificent. Gorgeous piece of design, this is." Seamus nods in agreement.

"Oh, it is lovely. And damn if it isn't quick as well. I took this one out for a test drive and it just blew me away! Roll the tape!" The camera blacks out as the Top Speed emblem comes onscreen and then fades out of black to show Seamus flying astride the SCR, a white helmet on his head.

"This broom is designed to be the fastest broom available on the regular market. It can go from naught to 100 in 4.8 seconds and from naught to 250 in under 12 seconds. It has a top speed of 300 miles per hour, yet it comes to complete stop in just under 7 seconds." Seamus banks hard and speeds up, becoming a blur to the eye as he pushed the broom hard. "Woooo! This thing has a bit of a punch to it!" Seamus dove, pushing the broom to its maximum speed. He pulled the broom just before he hit the ground, coming to a complete stop as he became parallel to the ground.

"Now, this is definitely a broom for those speed enthusiasts! All your mates will come out to watch you fly around like a blur and secretly hope that you explode into a burning fireball along the way. The footpads are helpful for those who are longer than the broom, but not so much for anyone else. The comfort of the Cushioning Charm would be comfortable for someone with no nerves in their arse, which is sad because of the immense price. The SCR starts out around 45,000 Galleons, which you would hope would mean that you would be able to feel your rear by the end of your flight. That being said, I just don't care. It's so much fun!" Seamus zooms off as the camera fades to black. The cameras come back up showing all three men standing around the SCR.

"I have to say, I am so very jealous that you got to test this one out. It looks stupendous." Seamus grins and crosses his arms.

"It was amazing, absolutely fantastic. But here's the thing: I wouldn't buy it." Harry stares at Seamus, slack-jawed.

"What?! How could you not want that! Every time I look at it, I get a bit of a crisis in my pants!"

"Well, that's why. I don't want to have to change my jeans every time I walk out to my broom shed! Besides, I have a rather nice bum and I'd rather not ruin it with a badly done Cushioning Charm." Neville looks over towards the other two, his shoulder-length hair moving like a curtain across his face.

"I have to agree with Seamus here, Harry. It is beautiful, but I could never bring myself to actually own one." Harry shakes his head.

"Bonkers, the pair of you. But apparently I've been outvoted, so that's that. Top Speed recommendation: Great broom, just not one to buy. Now, let's go on to something that we call The News." The three men move to the stage where there are three chairs positioned around a parchment covered coffee table and a large flat-screen television in the back of the stage. Seamus looks directly into the camera as he sits down.

"As my insane co-host has mentioned, this is a segment called The News. It will be a time that we will be discussing the latest developments, news and products from the Wizarding Transport world. Alright boys, who's going first?" Harry picks up a stapled sheaf of parchment and leans in towards the other two.

"Well, as you both know, the Wizengamot decided around a year ago to revoke the ban on importing, creating, selling and buying flying carpets in the UK. This was a radical move for the generally conservative body, opening up a massive new market aimed mostly at younger families here in Britain. Thoughts on the change?" Neville leans in to comment.

"I must say that I heartily approve of this change. The British people definitely need some sort of multi-person carrier and brooms just won't cut it. I love my broom, but I wouldn't let my children ride on it to go on holiday to the seaside. Even the Nimbus and Comet 'family' brooms are uncomfortable to ride and ruddy hard to control with more than two people on them. But look at the strides that carpets have come since they were made illegal in the UK! The American company Ford and the Japanese Nissan have come in and set up shops and they are selling absolutely massive numbers of carpets." Neville leans back in his seat and crosses his leg.

"The British companies are beginning to make some inroads in the market as well. The Cleansweep Company has announced that they will being premiering their own carpet, first one they've ever made, in late 2013. It's called the Sweepmaster 100 and they have sent us an image of it!"

A picture of a Persian style rug came on the television on the back of the stage. The rug was flat and massive with 8 straps set in it, two at the front and two rows of three behind them. "Now, it doesn't look that great, but it isn't bad!" Harry shakes his head and sighs.

"Mate, it's painful to look at! It is literally the ugliest thing I have ever seen, and that is saying something since I grew up with a walrus, a whale, and an ugly horse. Honestly, if this is the best that Cleansweep could make, perhaps a return voyage to the drawing board is in order. Now, if you want a carpet that actually has some styling, take a look at something coming from the continent."

An image of what could be called a carpet appeared on the screen. The carpet is silver with flared and pointed nose. The sides were slightly flared, forming a sort of cup shape along the edges of the carpet. There were five straps, two in the front and three in the back, on the carpet.

"Now this is style! It isn't as unbelievably gorgeous as the SCR, but it is quite nice. It is actually aerodynamic and the designers have reinforced the underside with extremely lightweight aluminum. It's called the Z40 and it is a Volvo product, so the Mundane-born will understand that makes it one of the safest transports in the world." Harry nods his head, a smug grin on his face as he turns towards his co-hosts. Seamus holds up his hand, one finger up in 'hold on' motion.

"Ah, but hold on. I'll admit that this is certainly much more pleasant to look at than the Sweepmaster. But I have to ask, how much does this Z40 cost?" Harry makes a seesaw motion with his hand.

"It's a little pricey, but look at it!" Seamus looks at Harry with a raised eyebrow.

"How much?" Harry looks away and mumbles something. "Harry."

"About 10,000 **G**." Seamus chokes a little on the water he just sipped.

"Alright, that's an awful lot of money. And how much does the Sweepmaster cost, Neville?" Neville picks up his sheet.

"Oh, about 2,000 **G**. And it's a local business, so that's important as it is." Harry flips his hand at the pair.

"I still say that the Volvo is a better transport, even at the price point. I would buy that, but I would never buy that silly little Cleansweep. Would either of you ever buy that Sweep-whatever? Even at that price?" Both of the other men shake their heads. "So arguing is a moot point. We all agree that the Cleansweep looks terrible and the correct choice is the Volvo." Neville rolls his eyes and shifts in his seat to look at the camera.

"Regardless, we can only see the British designs becoming better and better as time goes on. Now, let's go back to brooms for a second, shall we? Before the Great War with Moldywart, broom manufacturing was an exclusive business. There were only three British companies and they were widely held to be the best in the entire world. Nimbus Racing Company, Cleansweep, and Comet were the only names in the business. After the war, most of the fresh Hogwarts graduates wanted nothing to do with the Ministry, so many went into apprenticeships with Masters in Charms and other broom related disciplines. Many of those Masters realized their own mortality with the number of deaths during the war and began taking students en mass. Those who ended up with their Masteries often took those skills and went into business for themselves." Neville gestures to the screen and a pair of names come up.

Now there are a couple of more names to look for here in Britain. Two of the big names are Twig and Shaft, neither of which are that appealing of a name, honestly. But we do have a couple of examples here in our studio of their new designs." Neville gets up and walks off stage to a broom hovering in the air in the studio. "This is the newest product from Twig. It is a super-broom, just like the SCR, and called the Shiv. It has a top speed of about 320 miles per hour, but how is it actually? Let's find out." The view fades to black, then the Top Speed symbol appears as the black fades back to a picture of Harry on the test track.

"Well, this is a rather lovely looking broom. The shaft has this bladed shape, apt design for its name, designed to cut through the air and give the thinnest air profile possible. There are very few actual bristles on this broom, the ones there are quite thick. The small number are bundled together very tightly and make a long and thin tail. Now the foot rests are much more complex and useful than most, but I'll talk about that in a minute." As Harry is talking, he moves around the broom and picks up the white helmet off the ground. "Now they say that it'll go a massive 320 miles per hour, but that's in a straight line. Let's see how it'll go for a loop around our track."

Harry gets on the broom and kicks off. He does a quick corkscrew into the air, gaining altitude quickly and moving towards the airborne test track. "Now, this broom has some unusual features for a broom. It has something called a gear shifter in the feet stirrups. It is a brand new concept, just adopted by both the Twig and Shaft companies from the mundane motor car industry. Now, this changes the way that this broom handles. This is not my first attempt with this broom, so I have an idea of how and when to shift the gears."

Harry shifts a foot and the broom jumps forward and starts going faster. "The shifts allow the broom to go faster or slower," Harry shifts the other foot and the broom instantly slows back to its' previous speed, "as the user dictates. I particularly like this because it gives a middle ground speed to the rider, unlike the virtually 'all or nothing' attitude that most super-brooms take. It gives complete control over the speed to the rider and that is just excellent."

Harry loops around and comes to a complete stop at the starting line for the track. "Well, let's see how this thing works out on the track."

Harry kicks off from the start, speeding along the straight. He hits the first corner and the Shiv oversteers massively. The camera shows Harry working the shifter feet pads hard, shifting down to cut the speed slow enough to round the corner. He shifts back up sharply to speed through the small straightaway and then back down to get around the Comet Corner.

Harry leans forward and shifts up on the feet gears to speed through the next straightaway towards the Hogwarts. He makes the corner while shifting down, oversteering and then understeering as he goes around the last part of the curve.

Harry takes the next curve quickly, barely shifting through it and heading down the Follow-through, then shifts down to take the second to last curve. Harry speeds through the final corner, Finwick Corner, and almost goes off the track as he fights the Shiv across the line.

The camera focused on Harry's face as he brakes hard to a stop. "And now back to the studio." The screen blacks out and fades back in to an image of the three men standing together around the two tested brooms. Seamus looks at Harry.

"So, just how was the Shiv? It looks fantastic, especially for a first-generation broom designer. But how did it handle, and more importantly, would you recommend it?" Harry sweeps his hand over the Shiv.

"Honestly, it was hard to handle. But like I said, it does have those new gear-shifter foot rests and I think that they are definitely a great innovation. I've been riding brooms since I was 11 and that is by far the easiest broom that I have ever used to control the speed on. Now the handling leaves quite a bit to be desired while using the top speed, but at more normal cruising speeds it works just fine. I compare the handling to an American muscle car, feels like a sack of bricks under a slab of concrete at full speed, but otherwise perfectly decent." Neville looks at Harry with a deadpan expression.

"But do you really want a super-broom that has 'perfectly decent' handling? It's like saying that you want a manor house that has a 'perfectly decent' kitchen. Looks nice, but functionally not worth the price." Harry shakes his head vehemently.

"No, no, no. Look at it! It is gorgeous, has wonderful speed control, the only real downside is that handling when you go at full tilt isn't that great. I would by it in a heartbeat, honestly. I much rather it to that SCR beside it." Seamus looks between the two men and shakes his head.

"Well, we need to put both of these through their paces on the test track by someone who is not one of us. As much as we all love to fly, there is one who outdoes us all." Harry nods.

"Oh yes, the one who out does all of us. Our tame racing flier. Some say that he is actually dead, but the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him.. and that he can open a butterbeer bottle with his testes! All we know is, he's called the Wiz!"

The camera zooms in on a massive hanging banner of a man in full Quidditch gear and a full face helmet. The camera does a quick fade in and out to a side-by-side image of the Wiz on both brooms at the starting line.

"And here is the Wiz at the starting line. And he's off! Look at the acceleration on that Shiv! It just jumps off the line as the Wiz puts it into gear! Oh, that SCR does have some great handling, doesn't it? It just took that first corner like a pro! The Shiv makes it around Comet in a hurry, but the SCR does it tidily as well. The SCR blows through the Hogwarts, then zips around to the Wimbourne Bend! The Shiv is making as well, but it seems to be overshooting the exit each time. It's that muscle-broom handling throwing a giant wrench into its time." Seamus' voice comes over the film

"Both of them are looking good in the Follow-through, making into the Beaters Bend, and then the Shiv swings way out wide at the next to last corner. The SCR keeps it tight going through Finwick Corner, the Shiv not so much, and they're both across the line!"

The camera quickly flips back to the studio, showing Harry, Seamus and Neville standing by a massive metal board and both brooms hovering beside them. "And the times were what?" Seamus is holding one slip of paper and Neville is holding another. Seamus motioned for Neville to go first.

"Alright, well the SCR did our track in 1 minute... 20... 2 point 8 seconds!" Neville slapped the slip of paper on the board towards the top. "A whopping time... we think. Actually, we have no clue if that is a good time or not, since it's the first broom on our board. But I think that it will beat that Shiv." Harry shakes his head again and turns to Seamus.

"Mental, he is. Anyway, Seamus, what was the time for the Shiv?" Seamus grins at both men as he hunkers over his piece of paper.

"Well, the beautiful Shiv did our track in... 1 minute... 20...4 point one seconds! And that makes it over a second and a half slower than that SCR. I have to say, I thought that it would be at least a little faster. It does have the superior speed in a straight line, but apparently not in the corners." Harry interrupts him.

"But none of us want the SCR, even though it is clearly the superior broom according to our track. So on that Reducto, we thank you for joining us for our premier episode of Top Speed! Thank you and good night!" Harry sweeps out his arm as the camera zooms out and fades to black.

**EPISODE END**

**And that is the end of the first episode of Top Speed! This is going to be a one-shot... of sorts. I am willing (and want) to make more episodes, but I want to know if this is something that the readers want. So read and review! Please review, because that is how to get more episodes. No flamers, just constructive criticisms and suggestions. Again, I implore you all to review, it only takes a moment. The more reviews I get, the more episodes I will write.**

**EDIT: Thanks to phoenixfyre2552 for pointing out a really obvious and rookie mistake that I made! I (hopefully) fixed it!**


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